Ocean Waves
by Danielle Thorn
Summary: This is the story of Rae Larsan, who was forced into the Hunger Games at age 17. After everything she knows is destroyed, can this broken young woman live again with only previous Victor, Finnick Odair, to trust?
1. Chapter One - Lost

_**Chapter One - Lost**_

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_"So talk to me I'll listen to your story_

_I've been around enough to know_

_That there's more than meets the eye" __- Love and Luck, Jimmy Buffett_

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"Rae! Rae!" My eyes shoot open and I see Lola's face right in front of mine. She giggles at my reaction and I shove her off me. She lands on the floor with a loud thud before giggling again. I roll my eyes then laugh too. Lola suddenly goes silent and whispers, "What if I get reaped?" And I see her eyes brimming with tears. Pulling her close to me, I gently hum a simple tune, soothing her. She sobs into my hair and I let go of her.

Grabbing her tiny shoulders I look into her eyes and say, "Lola, you are in there once. Once. I promise that you will be safe." She sniffs and nods slowly then runs out of my room. I guess she is going to see our parents. I look over and see my brother still slumped in his bed, sleeping soundly. He suddenly snorts and sits up, wiping his hand across his face. He sees me and scowls, pulling his duvet over his head. "Love you too," I call out to him and he swears under his breath. Sighing, I get out of bed and go to the kitchen to get breakfast.

I should probably introduce you to myself. My name is Rae Larsan. I am currently 17 years old. I have two brothers called Randy (15) and Jamie (7) and a sister called Lola (12) and I live in District 4. We are in one of the poorer areas of our District. I share a room with all my siblings which is... tiring. Luckily, on the night of the reaping Jamie sleeps in our parents room, even though he is too young to be reaped. He is just scared of the idea of it I guess. At least I wasn't woken up by him at 5 in the morning as usual.

I go over to the wardrobe, which all my siblings share, and try to find a suitable dress. Skimming over the clothes, I spot my favourite dress. It is a palm tree green colour, perfectly complimenting my rich emerald green eyes. My eyes are somewhat of a rarity in this district. Most people have gentle greeny blue eyes but mine are a deep green. If you were to glance at me, my eyes would stand out the most. Most people will comment on them the first time they see me, they are so striking.

I grab the dress and open up a drawer and take some underwear, before heading off to the bathroom. Although I live with my siblings, I am still very self conscious and can't change in front of them. I slip off my nightgown and put on my underwear then pull the dress over my head. I look into the mirror, checking how I look. I am quite tall, I would say just above average for my age. I have long auburn wavy hair, reaching to my waist. My bronze tanned skin is slightly darker than usual, due to a day on the beach with my friends.

The dress compliments my curves and the colour really does match my eyes. I brush my hair out and leave it loose. I hate having my hair braided like everybody else, I love it to be free and to blow around in the gentle sea breeze. I hear a knock on the door. I sigh and open it. Lola skips in and gasps when she sees me. "You look amazing," she smiles and I blush. She looks jealously at my hair. Hers is braided in a short plait. I guess Mother is desperate for her to fit in better than when I was her age.

When I was younger I was so different to all the other girls, and still am. Unfortunately this caused me to be quite friendless and Mother hated the fact that I was so unpopular. She must be trying to get Lola to be like everybody else. I mumble "bitch," under my breathe and Lola seems to not have noticed, much to my relief. I kiss her head then hug her. She shoos me out of the bathroom and I head down the stairs, before rushing out of the front door. I hate being in my house. I go down the lane to the pier but on the way I am so engrossed in my own thoughts that I bump into someone.

"Oh sorry, didn't see you there," I mumble then look up into his eyes. Finnick Odair's eyes. "Don't worry, I wasn't really paying attention either," he replies with his winning smile. His cheeks are slightly flushed but I ignore it. We look at each other awkwardly for a second then head off in our own ways. He's probably going to the town hall to get ready for the reaping. I have never seen him close up properly but people weren't lying about him. He is pretty drop dead gorgeous. I shake the thoughts from my head then realise I have arrived at the pier. I sit on the edge and let my legs dangle in the clear water.

I stare into the waters and watch as the fish swim by, getting lost in my thoughts. After what seems like I hours I look behind me at the huge clock fastened on the side of a building. Shit, I'm late. I grab my sandals, not bothering to put them on then sprint towards the town square. I arrive to see everybody has already gathered. I quietly enter the 17 year old girl section, hoping to go unnoticed.

I have already missed the introduction so I don't have to endure that awful speech. I see my small group of friends in front of me but I'm too far away to communicate. Our escort this year seems to have changed. She looks fairly normal with minimal makeup. She seems alright, the last one was practically under millions of layers of makeup and wigs and weird clothes. She totters over to the first ball, her short nails struggling to catch onto a piece of paper. I hold my breath, the square goes quiet and the escort reads out in a clear voice, "Rae Larsan."

I look through the crowds of teenagers, desperate for a volunteer. Everybody is quiet, a few people mumbling to themselves, probably about how they think I will do. I keep holding my breath as I walk through to the stage. I can hear a whimper coming from the 12 year old section. Lola. I keep my head up high and try to ignore her strangled sobs. As I slowly climb up the steps, I sense Peacekeepers come up behind me, to ensure I don't flee. The escort smiles at me and shakes my hand. I face the crowds before me and try not to cry.

I put on a mask of proudness, that I get to fight for the honour of my district, but inside I am a wreck. My thoughts are all muddled and I feel my face going hot as everybodies eyes are trained on me. The escort goes to the other ball and calls out, "Benjamin Baynes," in her steady voice. I see a young boy, 13 at the most come up to the stage. I feel as if my heart rips in two. So young. I don't even know him but I hate the Capitol for making him fight. I wonder why nobody has volunteered today. Perhaps its the fact that last year our two tributes both died within five minutes of the games starting. I gulp. That's probably my own fate.

I shake hands with the boy then look over at our mentors. I see Finnick Odair and Chris Cooke, two previous victors. I make eye contact with Finnick for a brief second and he looks worried. I sigh as the Peacekeepers force me into the town hall, escorting me to a room where I can say my last goodbyes. The moment I enter I let the tears fall, letting go of my couldn't care less act. My family rush in and my parents hold me tightly, trying to be brave in front of their children. Jamie gives me a sloppy kiss on the cheek and tells me he will keep Lola away from my stuff until I get back. I cry even more, poor little Jamie doesn't understand that I might not come back. Lola just cries and cries and doesn't say anything.

When their time is up Randy suddenly comes up to me and hugs me whispering, "I love you Rae, please don't go." I hug him back and reassure him I will be alright. That was the first time I hugged my brother since he was 10. He hates me. Well he acts like it anyway. I call out that I love them all then they leave. I stand there, almost expecting another visitor but nobody comes. Not even my friends. I feel so betrayed by them all. I guess they didn't like me. I cry even more and the Peacekeepers come to take me to the train. I wipe my wet eyes and try to act brave again but fail miserably.

When I arrive on the train I am greeted by Finnick and Chris. Benjamin follows me with a terrified expression on his young face. I completely ignore everyone and fiddle with my hair, making little braids and just swirling it around my fingers. I can hear the others talking but I don't tune in. "Rae?" I hear a voice say and I sigh then look up. Chris clears his throat. "I will be mentoring Benjamin and Finnick will be your mentor," he states and I nod to show that I was listening. Chris looks a bit pissed at how ignorant I am being but doesn't comment on it.

I suddenly feel the tears dripping down my cheeks before I can stop them. I am going to die. Chris and Finnick exchange a look and the escort comes over with a mothering expression. "What's wrong Rae?" She questions me and I take a deep breath then blurt out, "I am going to go into an arena with children that want to kill me and I will either die or I will have to kill people myself and I don't want to kill people because I will be permanently scarred and I will hate myself and then my life will fall apart and I wish I would have died in the first place!"

The room is silent. The escort looks surprised, Chris looks understanding, Finnick looks like he has tensed up and Benjamin is crying. I put my head in my hands and take a shaky breath out. She puts her hand gently on my shoulder then says, "We are here to help you win Rae, but you don't have to kill anyone." I look up into her hazel eyes and nod my head again in acceptance. Everybody seems to be uncomfortable so I get up and walk to my room. I stuff my head into the pillow and try to cry but the tears won't come anymore. All I feel is hatred towards the Capitol for putting me through this horror. I hear a knock on the door and a muffled voice shouts, "Dinner is ready!" I stomp over to the door and slam it open. I hear a cry of pain and see someone fall to the floor. "Shit Finnick are you alright?" I gasp as he gets up. "Mind your fucking language," he growls.

I laugh then reply, "Mind your own fucking language," and I see a glint of amusement in his eyes. We walk over to the table and my eyes widen at the sight of all the steaming hot delicacies. I sit down and take a plateful of food. I don't take too much though. Over the years of watching the games I have realised that the people in them are given lots and lots to eat before the games so when they are starving in the arena, it is harder for them. Therefore I take an small portion and eat it slowly and carefully. Benjamin is eating like a pig and when Finnick looks over at me he raises his eyebrows. I am probably the first tribute that has paced theirselves when eating and not eaten as much food as possible.

After eating I am not full but not hungry. I go back to my room. I change into some pyjamas then sit and read a book from the hundreds available in the bookshelves. I read a history book about what the world was like before the nuclear war destroyed it and Panem was created. The book describes it as being awful but I don't believe a word of it. The Capitol edits all the books so they probably did that to make sure the Districts don't want to go back to the ways of the old world, with countries and states and different Political systems. It rambles on about how superior we are to the people of the past then the moment it starts talking about The Hunger Games I snap it shut and throw it across the room. It is pitch black outside so I decide to go to sleep. I close my eyes and drift into a world where I can be safe with my family, and not worry about the hunger games.

A shout wakes me up. It is still dark. I hear more shouting and yelling then silence. I try to ignore the feeling of fear course through me then go back to sleep.

I wake up again from the sunlight streaming in through the window. I quickly change into some jeans and a tight pale blue shirt. They fit me perfectly. How strange. I walk out of my room and into the main area. "We're just passing District 1," Finnick comments as I sit on a chair. I look across at him and he seems tired. His voice sounds a little hoarse as if he had been yelling a lot. Somebody was yelling last night. Was it him? I decide to ask, "Were you shouting last night?" Finnick turns towards me abruptly and I see a flash of fear in his usually calm eyes. He doesn't reply. I look down at the floor awkwardly. "Yes," he whispers. I look back over at him. "S-sorry that I asked you, it was rude," I stutter and he smiles sadly.

"Don't worry about it," he says then he stares out of the window, his eyes going vacant. Benjamin comes in and his eyes are puffy. It's pretty obvious that he has been crying. He walks shyly over to me and sits in the chair beside mine. I don't know what to say to him so I simply smile reassuringly. He gasps then rushes over to the window as we see the Capitol looming into view. It is beautiful. Absolutely amazing. When he sees the people waving to him he squeals then runs off where they can't see him. However, I run towards the window and wave back, smiling and blowing kisses to them. The train is supposed to be soundproof but they are so loud I can hear their excited yelling.

I look behind me and Finnick has disappeared. He probably hates the attention. When we arrive Benjamin and I are stuffed into a car with the escort, who I recently learned was named Anja and we set off to the area we will be staying in. Upon arrival we get into a glass elevator and are zoomed up to floor 4. I enter the room and try to not wrinkle my nose in disgust. It is so... clean and perfect and bright. It doesn't feel homely at all. To me it feels like a jail cell, and I am trapped. After a quick tour I am sent off to get beautified.

It was an awful experience. I was lying naked on a table with three multicoloured self obsessed people ridded me of all my hair apart from my head and eyebrows. They then obsessed over my bitten nails, glueing little bits on and to make it worse, andnfinally they did my makeup and styled my hair. Throughout the whole time they were all giggling and chatting to each other as if completely oblivious to the fact that they were looking at a naked girl and ripping out her body hair. After the whole ordeal was over they told me that my stylist was coming to 'inspect' their work. Urgh.

When my stylist arrives I just gape at her. She looks like.. well a Tiger. "Hello my name is Tigress and I am your stylist," she says softly. I actually quite like her. She walks around me silently, as if inspecting prey. She claps her hands together then opens up a wardrobe. Inside is a beautiful long dress. It is covered in tiny gems and when it moves around they look just like waves. The dress looks like the sea. I feel a pang inside me when I think of the ocean. Home. I miss home. I put on the dress and stare at my reflection.

I gawp at my hair. It is a deep blue. They must have used some sort of dye on it. They have curled it so it cascades down my shoulders. My eyes are surrounded by blue and green gems and there are blue and green swirls painted all over my skin. When the dress is on me I look like a sea Queen. Wait, no, I am the sea. Tigress has turned me into the ocean. And I look like a completely different person. I just keep staring at the girl in the reflection, how she looks nothing like the girl I am used to. I look fearless, I look mysterious. I look... drop dead gorgeous. Just like Finnick. Oh God. Did I just think that? I push the thoughts out of my mind and thankfully my makeup stopped my ferocious blush from showing.

When we are sent off to the chariot room my mind is racing. I look around at everybody else and they are staring at me. They look jealous. They should be. I look Magnificent. Just saying. In the darkness of the room, I notice that I am glowing slightly. When I look at the wall next to me it looks like light reflecting off water. Tigress has literally made light reflect off me like it does on water. "Thankyou," I say quietly. I actually have a chance now. I look across at Benjamin and he gives me a nervous smile. The chariot suddenly jolts forward and I realise the music has started. When we leave the tunnel the crowds go crazy. They are chanting my name, going crazy as I wave to them, blow them kisses and give them my best smiles.

When we reach the end the other tributes are glaring at me even more. It is obvious we stole the limelight. Finnick, Chris, Anja, Tigress and Benjamin's stylist come to greet us as we get off the Chariot. Finnick stares at me. I raise my eyebrows and he goes slightly red. Did I just make the famous Finnick Odair blush? Everbody gushes at how amazing we looked and then we all go to the elevator back to level 4. As I arrive I kick off my shoes and rush into my room. I am desperate to get out of this dress, no matter how beautiful it is. I want to get into some casual clothes.

I strip off then step into the shower. I stare at all the buttons. I press some random ones and thankfully I have a disaster-free soak. When I get out I dry my hair and notice all the blue has disappeared. Going through the wardrobe, I grab some shorts and a pale pink t-shirt. I slip them on and wander into the lounge. Everybody is already there. With only one place left, I sink into the couch right between Tigress and Finnick. Tigress smiles at me and I smile back. She is genuinely nice, not just some person paid to make clothes for me, she actually seems to care. We watch the recaps of the opening ceremony then go and eat supper.

Again, I only eat a small portion and eat it slowly. Again, Finnick raises his eyebrows. I simply stick my tongue out at him. He winks at me and I pout at him. We keep making silly gestures at each other until we have both finished eating. Everybody starts talking about topics I don't care about so I zone out for a bit. "RAE!?" Anja screeches at me and I jump. "You cannot keep daydreaming, this is important, you have to listen," she says harshly and I groan. They are talking about skills. "Do you have any skills Rae?" Chris pipes up.

"Hm? Oh um yeah kinda," I mumble. "What kind of skills?" He continues with an irritated sigh. "I'm ok with tridents," I admit with a mischievous grin. I don't tell them my real skill though. Even though District 7 deals with trees, axes are my thing. It is strange, I admit, but my father is a lumberjack back at home. He cuts down palm trees for a special wood. Palm trees aren't found in 7. Ever since I was 8 I have helped him with his work, and he trained me to fight with them as well, in case I was ever reaped. Well luckily he did that because otherwise I would be screwed. I didn't want to say it in front of everyone, in case Benjamin lets slip but I will tell Finnick, seeing as he is my mentor and all.

After supper I go back to my room but I am too scared to sleep. Now I am in the Captiol, the games are becoming a reality. I am going to die. Or be horribly scarred for the rest of my life but there's no major difference. Kind of. I give up then go out of my room to find somewhere to go. I find a door to an outside balcony. Perfect. I sit out there in my pyjamas, thinking about what will happen. I hide behind some tall plants and start crying, certain that there will be no cameras trained on me. "Rae?" I hear someone call. I quickly wipe my tears away and reply, "over here," with the calmest voice I can muster. Finnick walks towards me. "I saw you go out," he admits.

I move up a little so he can sit down next to me. He sits down then says, "Couldn't sleep?" I nod and wipe my eyes again. "Me either," he whispers. "When did you win your games? Three years ago?" I enquire. "Yeah, when I was 14. Youngest ever. I'm 17 now though," he replies. We are silent for a few minutes then he asks, "What are your real skills? It's not tridents, I can tell by the way you said it." I shrug and tell him, "Axes. I know it's weird but my Father taught me." He smirks. "What?" I growl. "It was funny at supper," he laughs and I laugh with him. "Yeah," I smile. I feel tears brimming in my eyes when I start thinking about Father. Finnick looks across at me then says, "You miss home don't you." I give him a watery smile, "Yes," I whisper gently. I sigh longingly at the memories with my family. Finnick brushes his hand against mine and then I grasp it, intertwining our fingers. I rest my head on his shoulder as we wordlessly stare out into the beautiful night view of the Capitol.

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_**End Of Chapter One  
**_**_And that is it! The first chapter of the first story. Thank you so much for reading and please leave a review telling me what you think. _**

_**I am aiming for this fanfiction to go into three separate stories. One taking place in Rae's first Hunger Games, the second one taking place in the Quarter Quell and the final one taking place in District 13 with the Rebellion.**_


	2. Chapter Two - Destiny

_**Chapter Two - Destiny**_

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_"This is your life_

_Is everything you've dreamed that it would be_

_When the world was younger_

_And you had everything to lose?" - This is your life, Switchfoot_

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I wake up from the blinding light of the sun. I look over at Finnick, who is sleeping peacefully. I suddenly jolt up and hiss, "Finnick wake up!" He yawns and opens his eyes and looks startled when he sees me. "Rae, what are you doing here?" He enquires with a confused expression. I open my mouth to answer him but he realises where we are.

"We need to go," he states. I nod in agreement then we both rush back inside, still holding hands. Finnick looks down at them and I feel a blush creep on my face. He smiles, lets go then heads off towards his own room.

I take a huge breath then go off to my own room. "Rae!" Anja's singsong voice calls out. I groan and sit up, my head spinning. "Mm? Yeah coming," I yawn as I get up. I open the wardrobe and scowl. The only clothing in there is a training outfit. I force myself into it and slip on a pair of trainers that were left by the door. Walking out of my room, I notice that Finnick is absent from the table but I make no comment. "Rae dearie, eat up your breakfast quickly! It is quarter to nine and you have to be at the training centre by ten!" Anja tells me.

I scowl again and eat some cereal. I can't eat much in mornings, my stomach won't take lots of food. After Benjamin finishes Anja pushes us towards the elevator, complaining about how she doesn't want to be late. We get in and stand there for a few seconds of awkward silence. We arrive just on time and half the other tributes seem to be there. When everybody arrives our instructor, Atala, gives us a briefing.

I zone out and look around at my opponents. Being from 4, I am expected to pair up with 1 and 2. They are all strong and ferocious looking unlike me. I am toned but not a muscular wonder like some here. Atala tells us to go and do our thing so I immediately walk over to the tributes from 2.

The girl is as tall as me but she has thick black hair and a murderous glint in her brown eyes. She snarls at me and Benjamin, obviously expecting us to be talentless. The boy however looms over me and looks, well, I can't put my finger on it. He looks like he doesn't really want to be here.

He doesn't look like most Careers, he seems quite nice so I decide to chat to him for a bit. District 1 joins us and they are both tall muscular wonders. We all introduce ourselves. Alisa is the female from one and she is 18. Dominic is the boy and he's 17, like me. Catrin is the girl from 2 and she is 16. Lester is the boy from 2 and he's 18. They all seem accepting of me but keep glaring at Benjamin. They look slightly disappointed.

His eyes well up and they all roll their eyes and walk away from him. I follow them reluctantly and give him a look to say that I am sorry. He nods in acceptance then goes off to another boy who looks his age.

Alisa shows off in front of the boys, striking stupid poses while shooting arrows across the room. They ignore her and wander off to the sword-fighting station which they are both obviously skilled in. Catrin gives me a crooked smile and grabs a spear which she hits perfectly in the heart of a dummy. Ouch. I'm glad I'm on their side.

Sighing, I pick up a trident and start throwing it around, not getting amazing results in where it lands like the others but I don't miss, I generally get shoulders and the legs. Fortunately they are impressed with how far I can throw it and Catrin gives me some tips on aiming. After a few hours of work, I can get the trident just next to the heart of each dummy. We all start teaching each other our skills, trying to widen our range of weaponry. It is good to be able to use more than one weapon.

Throughout the whole day, my fingers are itching to grab the axes but I can't give away my skill, that's for the gamemakers to know about. If I hide my talent, I can use it to kill the Careers if I need to as they won't be expecting it. At the end of our training time I go over what I can do in my head. I am awful with bow and arrows, alright with a sword, quite good with a spear and very good with a trident, and obviously I excel at axe throwing, but I didn't do any.

I get into the elevator with Benjamin and he looks happy. He has a huge smile stretching over his face and he seems to have been laughing. "How did it go?" I ask him. "Well, I made two new friends. Rory from 8 and Diane from 3. Rory is 12 and Diane is 14 but we have already made an alliance! They are so funny!" He tells me with a beaming smile. I smile back, glad that he is happy.

We arrive back at the suite and Anja fusses over us, asking for details. I give her monotonic answers then retire to my room where I have a shower and change into a dark red dress. I stare out of the window and watch as the tiny Capitol people go about their business. They look like funny little multicoloured ants. I rake my hands through my hair and start subconsciously braiding it, making intricate patterns.

I suddenly realise what I am doing then stop. I pulls the braids apart, tugging my hair loose then lie back on the bed. I am so bored. I would never imagine myself saying that but I am really bored. I walk into the lounge and see Tigress and Anja chatting. I sit down across from them. "Hey," I smile politely and Tigress says, "Hello Rae, as you know, tomorrow you have your session with the Gamemakers.. do you know what you are going to do?"

I pause for a second. Should I tell them? "Yeah, I'll probably just chuck a few tridents around and maybe a spear or two," I reply. She looks impressed and asks, "Are you good with tridents then?" I pause again. "Yeah, I hit most of the dummies in the heart when I got the hang of it properly," I tell her with a proud grin. I am quite proud of my talent with tridents but I can't get them far into the dummies, and I have to be quite close up. Luckily the Careers don't seem to be the cleverest bunch so they didn't realise that I am not majorly skilled at using tridents.

Whereas with axes, I am a ferocious monster, I could slice the head off a dummy effortlessly. I know this because when my dad trained me, he would make 'dummies' for me to practice on, and after almost 10 years of it, I never miss. The thing is, slicing off heads of fake people is simple, but real people? I don't know if I would be able to do that. I sigh and sink down further into the couch. Tigress and Anja are back to their own conversation, something about their favourite soap brands. How fickle.

Benjamin comes in and falters. I wonder what his talents are. I go back through my mind and vaguely remember him throwing some knives quite decently but that's all. He sits next to me and looks nervous. "What's wrong Benjie sweetheart?" Anja asks. "Just worried," he mumbles. I see a tear drip down his cheek again. He's going to be dead within the first few minutes. Oh God did I just think that?

I shouldn't have spent all my time with the ruthless Careers. They comment on how long they think people will last, excluding our group. I guess they don't want to think about what it will come down to if we are the only people left. I shake all the thoughts from my head and try to join in the conversation.

Tigress leaves and Finnick and Chris come in. "How was the training?" Chris enquires. "Alright," I reply flatly and Benjamin doesn't reply. "Did you use the tridents at all?" Finnick pipes up with a glint of mischief in his eyes. "Yeah, I really improved," I tell him, trying to hold back laughter. "Aah, that's good," he grins.

"Hey Finnick, can I axe you a question?" I say and he gives in and bursts out laughing. I excuse myself so he others don't see my eyes welling up with tears of laughter. When I get into my room I explode into laughter myself then wipe my eyes. I stay in my room until Anja calls me for dinner. I sit down and take a smaller portion than yesterday.

I need to ready myself for the arena. I can't make eye contact with Finnick without giggling so I look over at Benjamin's stylist, who is called Farius. He is having a quiet conversation with Tigress, presumably about outfits for the interviews. We spend most of the meal in awkward silence. The moment I finish I get off my chair and go onto the balcony.

I sit in the same place as last night and feel the cool night breeze rush past my face. I can hear singing and shouting and music from down below. When I look into the streets, I see the Capitol people are partying. Partying over the fact that in a few days they get to watch children fight to the death. Their favourite entertainment.

I wrinkle my nose in disgust at them and try to resist the impulse to scream all sorts of profanities at them. I sigh as the wind blows through my hair. I gaze into the few stars that can be seen from the light pollution of the Capitol and close my eyes, wishing desperately to go home to my family. There are times where I hate them but I always love them deep down and feel such regret for not spending all my life with them. Now I will never see them again. Most likely. What if I die? What will it be like?

When I was younger the idea of death filled me with fear but now I am facing death, I accept it. Everybody dies one day. Some people just die when they are a child because the Capitol forces them to fight to the death. And some people like long happy lives surrounded by family and friends and money and food. Why do I have to be the child that the Capitol forced to fight to the death?

I wake up and see my training outfit hanging in the open wardrobe. Anja stops knocking when she hears my feet hit the floor and I listen to her ridiculous high heels tapping away. Today I am showing off my skills to the Gamemakers. I start shaking in fear then scratch my arm. I stop shaking. I look at the angry red marks and gulp. Sometimes I freak out and only pain will help me.

I run some cold water over my arm then change into my outfit. I eat a quick breakfast again and Anja escorts me and my partner to a room where we all sit and wait for our names. I tap my fingers on the bench, trying to keep myself occupied. Benjamin's name is called and he goes white and goes into the training centre to show off his skills. I look around the room at the other tributes. None of them are noteworthy. I sigh. The Careers will have no problem killing them off. I really don't like how unfair it is.

After twenty minutes I hear the overhead speakers say, "Rae, District 4," and I shakily stand up and head towards the doors. When I am inside I am greeted by the stares of the Gamemakers who are thankfully paying attention. I bet in the later districts they give up paying attention because they get bored. Luckily I am from a Career District so they know I should be skilled. Instead of heading towards the tridents like my fellow allies expected me to, I go over to the axes and grab two, weighing them in my hands.

I effortlessly throw one over to a dummy and slice it completely in half. I quickly run to retrieve my axe and spin around, lodging my other one in the chest of another fake person. I pull it out and swing it around, chucking it with all my strength and manage to hit it into a overhead light. Sparks fly all over the floor and when I look up I am content to see that the axe is firmly stuck there. That shows how strong the throw was. The Gamemakers look impressed and are mumbling to themselves.

I just go around like that for a bit, chucking axes around, destroying the dummies and even smashing the axes into the walls and floor. I don't care if I am damaging the room, I bet other people have done it. The Head Gamemaker coughs and I look up with a polite smile. "Your time is up Rae, you may go," he says with a pleased look.

I bow and thank them for their time then walk out of the doors after putting my axes back on the weapons rack. I bet the tribute going after me will be worried about the dents on the walls. I laugh a little to myself. I suddenly stop in my tracks. I am turning into a Career, a brutal killer. I know that inside I am not like that but the prospect makes me shiver.

When I arrive back everybody is full of questions. I answer them all in one gesture. I tap the side of my nose. Anja looks upset that she didn't get the gossip. I see Finnick and he winks at me. I give him a small thumbs up to show everything went alright then we all go into the dining area for lunch. I have a light salad with some water. Finnick seems to have realised my tactic, to make sure I don't eat too much to disrupt my eating pattern for the Games. In fact, he looks slightly impressed that I am doing it, I guess most people with the option of as much free and amazing food as possible would eat it tonnes.

After lunch we all sit down and watch Caesar Flickerman announcing the scores. Dominic got 10, Alisa got 9, Lester got 9 and Catrin got 10. I don't really pay much attention to District 3 but Benjamin's friend managed a 7 which is quite good for his District. Benjamin got 6 but he looks pleased. I hold my breath when Caesar says, "Rae Larsan, 11." I feel my face go hot and everybody cheers.

I gape my mouth open. The most I expected was a 10 tops. 11's are rare and hard to get and few people have had them in the past. Finnick himself was one of them. He grins at me and I give him a beaming smile. Anja is still desperate to know what I did but I refrain from telling her. My allies will want answers though, as they know I am not that good with a trident. They will just have to discover it for themselves.

I toss and turn but it is no use. I just cannot sleep. I check the clock next to me and it says it is 3 in the morning. I sigh then go to the balcony and sit out there for a bit. Finnick joins me silently and I only notice him when he gets beside me. "Hey," I say gently. "Hello Rae," he replies, "I guess you did some axe work in the private session?" I turn to him. "Yeah," I tell him quietly, my voice distant. "Are you alright?" He asks with a concerned expression. "Honestly? Because honestly I'm not alright. I don't want to kill people, but I know that I will. The thing is, a few of the Careers are alright and one of them I'm friends with. How can I let them die? What if I have to kill one of my allies? I may not deeply care for them but we are a group. And Benjamin.." I feel tears welling up in my eyes.

"He's so young, he's one year older than my sister. How could I let him die? I barely know him but I feel like he is family, I know he isn't much, but he's from home and he is the only bit of home I will have in the arena. I don't want to go. I want to live. I know that I will probably die and I don't want to die. I want to see my family and friends, I want to swim in the ocean, I want to live but the Capitol is stopping me from living. I hate it!" The tears are falling freely and I hide my face in my hands.

Finnick gently touches my arm. "Rae, I can't promise you will win but I can say that you are strong enough to win, and you are able to, if you have enough determination," he tells me. I wipe the tears off my face and look into his beautiful sea-green eyes. "Ok," is all I can say. He looks upset himself.

"I'm sorry, did I upset you?" I say with fear in my voice. "No, it's just that it's hard to mentor people knowing that they may never come out of the arena alive. It's even harder with you because well... I don't know.." he trails off. "I like your eyes, they are a beautiful colour. They remind me of home," I say softly. He looks up at me and gives me a watery smile.

I laugh a little. Finnick gives me a questioning look. "Hm? Oh it's just that the girls back home would do anything to be sitting next to Finnick Odair at night on a balcony," I giggle. He laughs too and says, "Who wouldn't?" Then flexes his arms. I roll my eyes and lean up against him. He puts his arm over my shoulders and holds me close to him. I close my eyes and listen to his gentle breathing and the cool night breeze whistling past my ears.

"Raaaae... Raaaaeeeeee... RAE!" I jolt awake to see Finnick's face right in front of mine. I shriek and shove him away. He doubles up in laughter. I cross my arms and give him a pretend scowl but eventually succumb to his childish grin and laugh a little myself. It was pretty funny, my reaction. I look out into the sky to see the sun has just started rising.

Finnick smiles at the view and I look at my surroundings. I must have fallen asleep again on the balcony. I guess this time Finnick decided to wake me up. He turns around to me and looks into my eyes. He takes a hesitant step towards me. He puts his arms around my waist and pulls me in so my face is right in front of his. "Morning Rae," he whispers. "Hello Finnick," I reply. I desperately try to stop the blush coming to my cheeks but I feel them going hot anyway. He stares intently into my eyes and I try not to look away. He gives me a quickly gentle kiss on the mouth then pulls away.

"We should probably get inside before everybody else wakes up," he smiles sadly. "Yeah," I say, "Um, Finnick? Are there, um cameras or microphones on the balcony? It's just-" I start to say but Finnick cuts me off and tells me, "Don't worry, I understand, and no there aren't any. It's too windy for them to pick anything up so they don't bother." I nod and we both go back to our own rooms. As I get into bed I try to work out what just happened. My cheeks are still burning and I feel strange inside. I suddenly realise how tired I am so I drift off into a dreamless sleep.

* * *

_**End Of Chapter Two  
**__**  
**_

_**Thank you so much for reading, I appreciate every single one of my  
readers and reviewers, they help me keep going **_

_**Sorry about this being posted a day late, I completely forgot to post it  
yesterday**_

_**A huge thanks to my reviewer: xenocanaan**_


	3. Chapter Three - Broken Spirit

_**Ch****apter**** Three - Broken Spirit**_

* * *

_"And the walls kept tumbling down_

_In the city that we love_

_Great clouds roll over the hills_

_Bringing darkness from above" - Pompeii, Bastille_

* * *

I open my eyes. The gentle morning light filters through the curtains and I pull them open, admiring the beautiful view of the Capitol. I put on some jeans and a grey shirt then exit my room and enter the dining area. I sit there on my own for a bit then Chris comes in. "Hey," he says. "Hi," I reply, stifling a yawn. He goes out again and I start daydreaming. "Raeee?" I hear Anja knocking on my bedroom door. I smirk. "I'm already up! I'm in here!" I call out to her and she trots in with a glowing smile.

"Hello sweetie, today you will be preparing for your interview. You will spend 3 hours with me then 3 hours with Finnick. Your session with me will start at 10, so... in two hours," she tells me. "Ok, what will be doing?" I question. "Oh, well I will teach you how to walk properly in heels in a dress and I will teach you how to sit properly and also I will-" I cut her off by saying, "Can we eat? I'm starving."

She grunts at my cutting in but tells me I can start eating when the food arrives in a minute. A young woman walks in and puts some trays on the table. Her eyes are distant and vacant but I can see sorrow underneath. I think back to my schoolwork. She must be an avox. Avoxes serve the tributes at the Capitol. They are traitors and have their tongues cut out and are forever slaves to the Capitol. I imagine how awful that would be.

I eat an apple and drink some orange juice for my breakfast. Benjamin and Finnick walk in a few minutes after I have finished. Benjamin eyes the food hungrily and gorges himself on it the moment he sits down. I look over at Finnick. My mind wanders back to earlier this morning when he kissed me. Did it mean anything? Or was it just a random occurrence.

Whatever it was, I find myself blushing beet red when I think about it. He looks upset. I try to give him a reassuring smile but he just hangs his head lower. I sigh. Why put the effort in? Sometimes I do wonder. I stare at my empty plate for a minute then grab another apple. I'm hungry. We all make idle chitchat about the interviews for a while then I escape back into my room. Checking the clock, I realise I managed to waste one hour having breakfast.

Time goes so slowly. I'm so bored. I get a book off one of the shelves and start reading it. It's some strange story about some Capitol person travelling the world and meeting tiny people. It seems to be some silly little children's novel. All the stories I read when I was a child were about how wonderful Panem and the Captiol is. Urgh. My family are all very supportive of Panem but I am quite anti-Capitol, though I would never voice my opinions.

I keep reading the book until I check the clock above my bed and see that it is nearly 10. I throw it on the floor and jump up. Rushing into the lounge, I bump into Anja and nearly send her off her feet. She sighs then gives me another beaming smile. "Follow me," she says as she leads me down one of the corridors into a room I haven't seen before.

There is a dress in there and some awful heeled shoes. "Now your dress is going to be quite short, so we needn't worry about walking around in it. However you will have to tackle the heels, the ones you will be in are quite tall," she tells me. I groan and slip them on, toppling the moment I stand up. Anja patiently teaches me how to walk in them until I have managed to walk around the room in them without toppling at all.

"Now, you have an excellent posture so we don't need you to change that at all. You have a wonderful sitting position, perfectly ladylike so again, there is no improvement needed. I fact, I am not sure what else to do. I guess you just need to improve your attitude a little then you are good to go!" She exclaims. "So I have two hours to spare?" I grin. She nods then waves me out of the room. "Don't forget you are with Finnick after lunch!" She calls after me.

"Hey Rae," Finnick says gently. "Hey Finnick," I reply. He sighs. "What's wrong?" I ask. "You are going into the Hunger Games," he whispers. "Yes I am." He puts his head in his hands. "And you may never come back." I look down and say, "Maybe." He looks up at me and stares intently into my eyes. "But.." He falters. "But what?" I continue. "But I like you. And I don't want you to go. I could lose you.." He breathes, barely audible. My eyes widen in realisation. His eyes start tearing up and I can't bear it. I go over and hug him.

He relaxes then releases me and gently pushes me back over to my seat. "Well, we need to think of an angle for your interview!" He announces, clapping his hands together. "Do you have any ideas of how you want to come across?" He asks. "Well, I want to seem strong, a good fighter, but I don't want to be one of the people that loves it, just someone who does it when necessary. I also want to try to be a good talker and engage with the audience," I tell him. He furrows his eyebrows then says, "Well I don't think you would like this too much but perhaps you could try be very easygoing, friendly and flirty, you know?" He suggests. "I'll try."

We spend the next two hours working on this until I have grasped the idea perfectly. I can flawlessly answer all questions he throws at me. "You do have the air of a fighter, so you shouldn't worry about trying to portray that idea," he concludes. "What do we do now?" I enquire. "I have no idea... maybe we could just run over some advice for when you are in the arena.."  
"Seems fine to me, what advice do you have?"

"First off, don't trust the Careers. Stick with them for the start, they are helpful, but the moment there are less than 8 people in the arena, you have to fend for yourself. It won't be safe as the Games could be drawing to a close, and the pack will all start plotting how to kill everyone. I would suggest you don't give away your talent with axes, leave that for if you come against anyone very strong, and anyway from what I have heard, you are still quite skilled with a Trident. Make sure you are always hydrated and always have enough food to keep running properly.

Do not hide supplies from the Careers. If you even have a packet of food that you don't tell them about they will get angry and could kill you. And finally, one last thing, never forget that your family will always love you, no matter what happens in the arena. Everybody knows what happens is for survival and your family will understand if you turn into a different person in the arena. Please never forget that, I did and spent a year terrified that my father hated me." He tells me. We sit in silence for a few minutes.

I look across at Finnick and see his eyes are still slightly puffy from earlier. I wonder if he ever cries in front of people. He always acts so strong, but maybe inside it isn't the case. "When's your birthday." I ask suddenly and randomly. Hid head jerks towards me. "Umm, 18th of November," he states. I smirk. "What?" Finnick grumbles.  
"I'm older than you," I laugh.  
"Well I'm taller."  
"Well I'm prettier."  
"Well I'm handsomer."  
"Well I'm.. I'm.. I have greener eyes."  
"Well I have blonder hair."  
"Well... I'm... uh... more drop dead gorgeous."  
"No way you are."  
"Yeah I am!"  
"Sure, go believing that. Everybody knows that Finnick Odair is the most drop dead gorgeous person in all of Panem!" He booms and I burst out laughing. He caves into laughter as well and eventually we are rolling around the floor with tears streaming down our cheeks.

"What was so funny about that anyway?" He asks. "I literally have no idea, I just suddenly started laughing," I grin, wiping the tears of happiness from my eyes. I look up at the clock. "Time is up, I have to go to my prep team now," I sigh. "Oh shit I have to go too!" Finnick exclaims. "Where?" I question. "Uh, somewhere," he says before bolting out of the room. How strange.

Tigress hands me the dress I will be wearing tonight. My body is still stinging slightly from the touch up waxing my prep team did. I gasp when I see it. It is a beautiful sea green strapless dress which goes to just above my knees. Tigress asks me to put it on and when I do I realise it is quite tight and has a huge hole in the back. Strange fashion they have here. She hands me some pale blue heeled shoes and I slip them on.

They make my already long legs looks even longer and slimmer. I stare at myself in the mirror. They have darkened my eyes to a deep blue colour. I am wearing dark red lipstick. I have small gems in a pattern around my right eye which trails down my face to my shoulder. I study myself. I look mysterious, I look beautiful, I look amazing. I hug Tigress and thank her gently. Her reply is a smile. "Raeee! You are late! We have to get to the interviews now!" I hear Anja's screech as she pounds on the door. I roll my eyes, apologize to Tigress, then leave the room.

"There you are! Oh darling you look beautiful! Quickly come with me, Benjamin has already gone with Chris!" She says hurriedly while smoothing her skirt out. She practically drags me to the elevator and when we reach the right floor, she grabs my arm and pulls me to a small hallway where all the tributes are sitting. She ushers me over to my seat then pushes me down so I sit on it. "Okay, big smile! And remember you are a LADY," she hisses before tiptoeing away on her stilettos.

I groan and lean back in my chair, completely losing my 'ladylike' posture. Why should the Captiol care if I am like a lady? In a few days I am probably going to be murdering people. Now explain to me how that is at all ladylike. Exactly.

Caesar Flickerman enters the room and the audience all clap and cheer. He introduces himself and then calls up Dominic. I zone out and prepare myself for the interview. I prepare myself to answer personal questions I don't want to answer, about my family, about my life, about me.

I start daydreaming about winning. Being able to go home to my family. Being able to be alone by myself without worrying about the Capitol watching me and manipulating me. But then I imagine what it would be like to live knowing I have killed people. I've seen the Victors. Some turn to drugs, alcohol, anything to take their minds off the past. Others will act fine but underneath they are scarred for life.

There are a few rare Victors who can actually stay strong and stay away from drugs and alcohol. Most of them end up turning towards them in the end. I don't want to become one of those people. But if I win, that is my fate... To lock myself up in my house and block out the World. I feel fear rising up inside me and force myself to return to reality. Caesar has just called up Benjamin.

Okay.. Calm, you can do this. In three minutes your name will be called up and you have to go up there and be friendly, flirty, chatty, ready to reveal any secrets Caesar asks me about. I almost sink back into my daydream but snap out of it. Benjamin's timer has nearly gone. I sit up straighter and get my feet ready and poised to stand up. The buzzer goes off and Benjamin goes to sit back down. "Next up, Rae Larsan!" Caesar calls out.

The cameras turn towards me and I force a relaxed smile. Standing up, I stride elegantly towards the stage. "Sit down sit down," Caesar says with a beaming grin. I sit down in the chair and get into the position that Anja showed me. "Hello Rae," Caesar says. "Well hello Caesar, it's quite an audience we have here today," I speak effortlessly. "Well yes there is, quite the attentive young woman. Now, how has your time been in the Capitol?" Caesar asks me, trying to get to a proper topic.

"Well, it is huge here, rather unlike what I am used to, however all the people here are all so kind, giving us the opportunity to stay here in the most luxurious building," I gush. The audience cheers and I hear some clapping. "Well it is a once in a lifetime opportunity!" Caesar agrees. Hell yeah it is, an opportunity that nobody in their right mind wants. I beam at the crowds, trying not to show them how much I despise them.

"Rae, may I ask you a question?" Caesar enquires. "Of course Caesar, this is an interview!" I laugh and the audience joins in. "Of course, of course, how could I forget?" Caesar grins, slapping his forehead. The audience are all in tears of amusement now. "Okay Rae, back to the question, how do you feel to be fighting for the pride of your district?" he queries. He knows what he's doing. He always asks the Career Districts something like this.

I let tears well up in my eyes, as if I am honoured to be in the Hunger Games. "Well, ever since I was young, I have watched the Hunger Games, and I have always dreamed of taking part in them. In fact, I was going to volunteer this year! When my name was called I was terrified that somebody was going to volunteer for me and take my place! I am very glad to be here with all of you tonight, and I am excited for tomorrow," I say, the lies rolling endlessly off my tongue like honey.

Caesar nods throughout my speech and he acts like he is very excited about tomorrow as well. "Yes, tomorrow you will be entering the arena, and showing everybody your special skill that got you an 11 with the Gamemakers!" he exclaims. "Do you think you have it in you to win?" He questions me.

I ponder for a second. "I have a chance, maybe not huge, but I still have a chance," is all I can think of to say. "Now Rae, if you were to win, is there anybody back home, perhaps a gentleman friend who you are close with?" He asks. Wow he's getting to the deep stuff. The audience all whoop and whistle in glee. "Well, actually, I don't," I admit, acting upset. Caesar gasps, "You must be lying!"

I shake my head and sigh, "Yup, it's true." I feel all eyes trained on me. I look out into the masses of multicoloured people before me. I find a pair of sea green eyes. Finnick. I feel my face go hot. I quickly glance up at the screen above me and see that I am blushing like a tomato. "Well, maybe when you get back, there will be somebody for you, who wouldn't want a beautiful smart girl like you?" Caesar says. The audience all cheer and agree with him, shouting out compliments and screaming my name. The buzzer goes off and I return to my seat.

Well that failed.

I mean, the start was good, but the ending, that just flopped. I won't be remembered. Maybe I will get noticed for my 11 but my interview was nothing to be proud of. Shit.

The moment we can leave I rush to my room, tears filling my eyes. I sprint in, slam the door then stuff my head into my pillow and cry. It is my last night here in the Captiol. Tomorrow I am going into the arena. Tomorrow I will die.

For many hours I lie on my bed sobbing my heart out but nobody knocks on the door, or tries to comfort me. They leave me alone, alone in my room with only the sounds of the bustling Capitol to keep me company. Even at night, there are cars driving around, and people walking and talking in the streets. Eventually I wipe my eyes dry and change into some pyjamas.

I go into the bathroom and wash off the layers of makeup from my face. Sighing, I wander out of my room into the dark apartment. Everybody else has gone to bed. I glance up at the clock and see that it is nearly two in the morning. I sit on the couch aimlessly for a bit then feel my eyelids slowly drooping. I force myself back up into my room. When I flop onto the bed I immediately fall asleep, not even bothering to get under the duvet.

I groggily open my eyes to see my prep team all staring at me with huge smiles. "Hello Rae, it is time for your final preparations for entering the arena!" One of them exclaims. I groan and get up then have a quick shower before letting my prep team do the finishing touches. They rub strange goo into my skin which makes it tingle and then they do a quick check over me, braid my hair and send me off to the hovercraft. Inside I am greeted by a woman holding a scary looking syringe. She tells me to sit down in a special seat.

The moment I am in the chair I can't move any more. She grabs my arm and injects me. She tries making conversation with me but I completely ignore her. Instead, I stare out of the windows. When we are about halfway through the journey, the windows turn black and I can't see out of them anymore. I guess they don't want us seeing the arena before it is ready.

When we arrive eventually I am ushered to a new room. I think that I am underground somewhere. I stand in the clean white room for a minute then Tigress joins me. She looks slightly angry. "What's wrong?" I ask her. "You are the last person I am a stylist for. President Snow is kicking me off the team. He notified me this just minutes ago," she mutters, unable to keep the fury from rising in her voice. "Oh Tigress, I'm so sorry," is all I can reply.

She nods at me curtly then passes me my clothes that I will be wearing in the arena. She doesn't say anything to me. She must be boiling with rage. A voice from a speaker in the wall says, "One minute until launch," and Tigress ushers me towards a glass tube. I step inside and the door seals itself shut.

This is it. This is now. In half a minute I will be in the arena. In a minute and a half the games will start. I close my eyes and pray for my life, and pray that my family are safe and if I die, that they can get on with life and don't let it bring them down. I pray that none of my siblings will ever have to enter the hunger games themselves, that they can live a free life without going through what I am about to. And most of all, I pray that no harm ever comes to any of them, and that they live long and happy lives, even if I am not there with them.

* * *

_**End Of Chapter Three**_

_**Thank you for reading! I appreciate all my readers and  
followers because they are what keeps this going**_

_**I'm sorry that this was a week late, I had a lot to deal  
with in the past few days**_

_****__**Again, a **__****__**huge thanks to my reviewer: xenocanaan**_


	4. Chapter Four - Fake Your Death

**Quick A/N:** _Italics_** either means a flashback or dream**

* * *

_**Chapter Four**_

* * *

_"I choose defeat_

_I walk away_

_And leave this place_

_The same today_

_Some like to sleep_

_We like to play_

_Just look at all that pain" - Fake Your Death , My Chemical Romance_

* * *

The tube starts going up and I brace myself for the worst. The brightness from outside momentarily blinds me then my surroundings come into view. All I can hear is my heart pounding down my throat, and all I can see is dense woodland. There are tall leaveless spiky trees huddled together around us. It will be hard to get through them. The ground looks quite muddy and slightly swampy. Great.

Fortunately there is a huge river running near the cornucopia so there is at least some fresh clean water. In fact, there are small springs everywhere. My eyes narrow in suspicion. Water shouldn't be that easy to get in the hunger games. Oh shit. I'm in the hunger games. I suddenly tune into reality and hear a voice going, "10, 9.." I stand up straight and prepare myself to sprint to the pile of weapons and supplies at the Cornucopia.

"2, 1, Let the 68th Hunger Games begin!" A voice booms out across the arena. I jump off the plate and run swiftly towards the golden cornucopia. I scan the piles for a trident but I can't see one. Shit shit shit shit shit. I spin around and see a large body running towards me. The next thing I know I am being pinned down. I screech in fear and claw at his throat. He grins down at me as he grabs my neck. He's going to snap it like a twig. I see a glint of light coming off a silver blade. The silver blade of an axe. In the blink of an eye, I have it in my hand and I raise it before digging it into my opponents skull. I watch his messy death right in front of my eyes and try not to vomit.

His brain is visible from his head and there is blood dripping onto the ground. I slide his lifeless still-warm body off me then quickly get onto my feet, after grabbing the other axe. I glance down at his body and a huge wave of regret goes through me. I want to kneel down by him, apologize, try to revive him, cry about the death I have caused, but I can't. I have to survive. I can't show weakness or remorse.

Lester is looking at me with curiosity in his eyes, and confusion. Oh yeah, I didn't tell my allies about my skill with axes. In the corner of my eye I see somebody aiming a spear towards him. "Lester duck!" I screech but it is too late. The spear enters his body and he collapses to the ground. It's too late to do anything. A roar goes through me as I lob my axe over to the attacker.

His eyes widen as the axe lodges itself into his chest. The sound of breaking bones makes me feel sick. The impact will have damaged something vital, his lungs, maybe even his heart. He pulls the axe out of his chest and chucks it on the floor. As he hobbles away I throw another axe towards him but he dodges it. I groan in frustration then dash over to my axes and scoop them up into my hands. As I get up a knife slashes at my arm. The pain rushes through me but I swing my axe around and take the head clean off the girl from 3.

Her body falls to the ground and her head bounces away. I think I really will throw up soon. A feeling of regret goes through me. I just killed two people and fatally injured one. And the girl I beheaded was Benjamin's ally. I can hear his terrified scream as he stares at me and what I have just done. I wipe her blood off my face then go back into the cornucopia. "Sorry," I whisper, too quietly for any cameras to hear.

There are bodies strewn across the ground and there are still a few fights going on. I want to be a coward and run but I have to stay. I spot Alisa being pinned down by the boy from 12. I rush over to help and slam my axe into his back just after Alisa spears through his neck with an arrow. She looks up at me and her eyes reflect gratitude. She may have been the one who killed him but I still made the effort to help her. That will give me a big bonus in our pack.

I spin around and see Catrin launching a spear into someones heart. They drop down and she smiles wickedly. She looks almost amused. How can somebody live with themselves if they are like that. Everybody else seems to have cleared off, either out of fear or the fact that they have all the supplies they need. The bloodbath has ended. I try not to collapse to the ground out of relief.

I glance around and see only one of my allies has died. Lester. I feel a slight lump in my throat. Although I didn't really know him, he seemed to be the only genuinely kind person in our group, and I failed to save him. Being the Careers, as usual, we have the Cornucopia to ourselves. I keep a lookout while the others pick through the supplies, gathering the scare amount of food there and all the weapons they can carry.

Alisa offers to guard for me but I wave her off. "I don't really need anything other than my axes," I reassure her. "Yeah, Rae, about the axes, why didn't you tell us?" Catrin hisses behind me. She must have sneaked up while Alisa and I were talking. "Oh.. um, when I was with the Gamemakers, I decided to pick up some axes and see what I could do and I realised that I am pretty good with them. I guess the Gamemakers didn't put any Tridents in because nobody showed any skill with Tridents. I would have told you but obviously we didn't meet up after that.." I trail off. That was the worst lie ever.

Amazingly, my allies all seem to believe me. They don't show any distrust in their eyes. Wow, they really are as stupid as they look. I laugh a little to myself. I can't believe that they even thought I was telling the slightest fragment of truth, let alone the whole story. A cannon booms in the distance, causing us all to jump. I count them up. "10 gone," I mutter. Catrin sighs. "I only got two people," she moans. I resist the urge to go and slap her for her incompetence.

Doesn't she realise that she is on the brink of death? In an arena where everybody wants to kill her? It isn't a game, so why is she acting like it is. I killed two people and all I feel is regret and pain for their families and friends back home. She is sick. "Don't complain bitch, you are killing people, it's not a game," Alisa shouts at her angrily. Catrin looks shocked. And very very mad. She raises her spear and chucks it across at Alisa. Alisa's eyes widen as she realises her time is nearly up.

The trident clangs against my axe and falls to the ground. I hadn't even realised that I held it out to protect Alisa. Alisa rushes behind me and grabs my shoulder, shaking in fear. "Rae lets go," she whispers. She pulls me towards the woods and I go with her. We run as fast as we can to get away from Catrin and Dominic. I hear Catrin screaming all sorts of profanities at us.

After what seems like hours of sprinting through the darkness of the woodland we slow down and eventually stop. Alisa has tears streaming down her face. "Thank you," she exhales. Luckily she had the sense to bring her backpacks and supplies. "Do you have your bow and arrows?" I question her. She nods and holds them out to me. "Axes?" She replies and I hold them both out. I chuck one high in the air and catch it by the handle.

We go through our supplies. Alisa had two backpacks with her. Each one has a sleeping bag inside, which is very lucky for us. There is one pair of night vision goggles and some iodine. There are two packets of dried fruit, a large loaf of bread, a pack of matches, two water bottles, one empty, one full and three knives. Altogether a very good haul, not forgetting the weapons we already have.

Alisa looks impressed. "Rae, seriously, what's with the axes? Catrin may have believed you but I don't," she says. I sigh. "Well, ever since I was younger my Dad trained me to use axes, he chops down trees back in 4, I know it is 7's job but we need a few people in 4 doing it as well. I didn't tell anybody because.. well.. I wanted it to be a secret skill and I didn't trust the other Careers," I admit.

"It was the right decision, if only there were tridents in the Cornucopia though," Alisa says with a slight smile. "Yeah.." I agree. The sky is starting to get darker. "We should set up camp," I suggest. Alisa nods then starts climbing up a tree. She's clever. I climb up the tree next to it until we are both high up in the branches. We sit on the trees opposite each other. "How about after the images of the fallen come up in the sky you sleep for a bit while I keep guard?" I offer. "Seems good, and I can keep guard after that if you wake me up," She replies with a smile.

"Ummm... how will I sleep? As in not fall out of the tree?" She laughs. I laugh too, but quietly. I look around and notice that the trees have long thick vines trailing off them and around them. I grab one and cut it off with one of the knives. "Here, wrap this around you like a harness so if you move around, you won't fall off," I tell her, passing her the strong vine. A cannon booms and I jump. Alisa looks up into the sky and sighs.

"Thanks Rae," she says before getting into the sleeping back and harnessing it and herself to the tree. I get in my own sleeping bag and do the same. I grab the night vision goggles and balance them safely between my legs. My stomach rumbles. "I think we should do some hunting in the morning," Alisa suggests. "Yeah, I'm pretty hungry," I reply. She tears a chunk off the bread. "Here, have some of this, I know how to hunt and I guess you do, so we don't need to ration too much," she offers it to me.

She throws it across at me and I catch it easily. She tears off a chunk herself and we both start eating our shares. When I have finished the anthem suddenly starts booming across the arena. The pictures of the fallen tributes start going.

The first picture is of Lester and I feel a slight pang inside me. I failed to save him. The second picture is of Diane who I killed. I feel tears welling up in my eyes. Next are the boy and girl from 5. I recognise the boy as the other person I killed. I let the tears fall freely from my face, my insides stricken with guilt. Nobody from 6. The girl from 7 and the girl from 8. Benjamin's other ally is still alive then. The boy from 9. The girl from 10. The boy from 11 and both from 12.

What I hate about this is that I didn't even learn the names of the other tributes. I just know them as the boy or girl from their District, apart from a few whom I know the names of. Alisa looks across at me and her eyes are brimming with tears but she's not crying like me. "I killed the two from 12.." she whispers. "I got the girl from 3 and the boy from 5," I admit. She gives me a watery smile.

"I'd better be getting to sleep then," she says as she gets into a comfortable position in her makeshift bed for the night. "Night," I say and she murmurs, "Night Rae," before dozing off. She must be really tired. 11 are dead. 13 left. I have almost made it through the first day. And to think that this morning I was ready for my death. Maybe I really will survive The Hunger Games.

I see a rustle in the bushes nearby. I hold my breath and try to blend in with the trees. A small figure rushes out, being chased by a much larger figure. The small figure is screaming. It's Benjamin. Oh no. The larger figure catches him and I hear Benjamin pleading for mercy. Alisa has stopped rustling around in her sleep. I quickly peek at her and her eyes are wide. She has woken up and it watching the scene.

I hear a sudden gory sound and Benjamin's screams are gargled. I have been forced to watch enough of the hunger games to know what is happened. He has been stabbed in the throat. I listen to him choking on his own blood for about 10 minutes. The person is still with him, cackling to himself quietly. I feel vomit rise up my throat but force myself to swallow it back down. He is torturing Benjamin, giving him a long and painful death.

I want to scream myself, try to kill his attacker, but it will only result in my death, and there is nothing I can do to save him anyway. All I can do is listen as he slowly dies. Eventually the cannon goes off and the person who killed him stalks off into the night. I realise that I am shaking like a leaf and try to calm myself down. I take a deep breath and stutter to Alisa, "That was my District Partner." She looks shocked and haunted. "He.. he tortured him.." she screeches before putting her head in her hands and murmuring to herself.

After a few minutes she looks up at me and her eyes are hollow. "I'll take guard now," she says. I hand her the goggles and lie down into my sleeping bag, trying to get to sleep, but Benjamin's screams still haunt me, I still hear his gargling and crying for help. After lying there and shivering for a bit, my tiredness eventually gets to me and I drift off to sleep.

_I am being chased through the woods. Somebody is trying to kill me. I drop to the ground after tripping up. Why now? Why do I have to fall over now? He is closing in on me. I scream and scream._

_Suddenly I am watching it happen. I see Benjamin on the floor, covered in blood. The knife enters his throat and he screams more and more, screaming, "Rae help me! Rae do something! Rae don't just watch! This is your fault! Rae!" He keeps screeching at me. I try to go over to him but my legs are like lead, they won't move. He suddenly stops still and a cannon goes off, deafening me. _

_He gets up with a malicious grin. He has a knife in his hand. I look at him, with a gaping hole in his neck. I can't move. "Your turn Rae," he whispers as he slides the blade into my throat. Next to him are the tributes I killed. They are laughing and singing, "Your turn, your turn, your turn!" I start screaming._

Alisa is shaking me. "Wake up Rae," she hisses cautiously. I realise where I am and stop screaming. I am covered in sweat and covering up my throat with my hands. Alisa looks worried. "Are you ok?" She sympathises. "Just a bad dream," I stammer, still shaking slightly. I slow down my breathing and Alisa still looks worried. When I stop shaking she leaves my side and goes through the backpack. It seems to be early morning.

"Do you want to get some breakfast?" She asks. "Yeah, lets pack everything away then go hunt," I reply. We untie out sleeping bags, roll them up and put them both into one backpack. We put the rest of supplies into the other one and head off through the woods. I keep both axes in my hands and she has two sheaths of arrows around her shoulders along with a backpack. I am carrying her extra one around my shoulder along with one of the backpacks. We must look like crazy hitchhikers.

I hear a few twigs snapping behind us. I spin around. Oh shit. It's a bear. Alisa fires an arrow into its chest and I lob an axe at it. It hits the bear's leg and it roars at us before charging towards me. I chuck another axe at it and it hits it in the head. It stops in its tracks and starts wandering around aimlessly. I must have ruptured its brain. Alisa finishes it off with another arrow in the head. It thumps onto the ground.

"Quite a big breakfast," I laugh a little and Alisa joins in. A cannon goes off and we edge closer together. Another one goes off and I hear a scream in the distance. Another goes off and we exchange glances. We scramble for our weapons. I grab my axe and she gets her arrows. We both clamber up a tree together and reach the top branches where we won't be seen from the bottom.

I feel my heart beating rapidly. Catrin and Dominic crash through the trees and stop still when they see the bear lying on the ground. I freeze and Alisa's breathing is almost silent. "What the fuck?" Catrin says. Her face is splattered with blood. Dominic surveys it. "It's still warm. And it seems to have been killed by humans. Look, there's an arrow still lodged in its stomach. I bet that was Alisa. And there seems to be big cuts made from axe blades," He concludes. Catrin smiles wickedly. "Alisa and Rae... and it's still warm?" Her grin widens even more.

"Alisaaa, Raeee, I know you're here!" She sings gleefully. "God you are such a child Catrin, keep your voice down or we're going to be killed," he hisses at her. She growls something under her breath. "I don't care Dominic; we are killing that bitch from your District no matter what. Now let's FIND her!" She screeches at him. When she turns around I see him raise his sword, and for a second he looks like he's about to kill her but he sighs and shakes his head before putting his sword back down by his side.

Alisa is panicking. She is shaking like crazy and murmuring to herself a little. I try to calm her but she screams at me to be quiet and pushes me out of the tree. As I fall, I land on some branches and break them and after what seems like years of pain, I fall to the ground with a thud. I groan and curl up in a ball.

"What do we have here?" I hear Catrin laugh hysterically. She sounds like she is smiling like a madman. Alisa shrieks my name and I hear her climbing down the tree. Catrin kicks me in the stomach a few times and I grunt in pain. I look up and see Catrin circling Alisa with a knife in her hand. Alisa isn't reacting. She is just crying and whispering to herself. She has gone mad. Catrin lunges at her and I close my eyes, not wanting to see anything. She doesn't even scream.

Fortunately Catrin isn't cruel enough to torture her; she just makes it quick and easy. The cannon rings out across the arena. I'm next. She kneels down beside me and gives me her vicious grin. I'm in too much pain to even bother trying to survive. She is just about to stick the knife into my throat when a rock hits her in the head. She screeches in anger, not pain, and lunges towards Dominic. He already has his sword out and the dumb bitch runs into it.

He looks startled when she does and he looks over at me, fear filling his eyes when he sees the state that I'm in. I try to get up or at least thank him but all I can do is groan hoarsely. I try moving my arm and the pain is unbearable. My vision slowly goes darker then I black out completely.

* * *

_**End Of Chapter Four**_

_**As usual, I would like to thank you for reading  
this as its what keeps me going.**_

_**I'm sorry about how late it was, my computer  
broke and deleted all of my work**_

_****__****__**Again, a **__****__**huge thanks to my reviewers: xenocanaan and Narsilia Lyanna Elendill  
**_


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